What if I Forget Them?

What if I forget their laugh?
What if I can’t close my eyes and see how they smiled when they were planning something fun?
What if I can’t remember something important that they shared with me?
What if I forget THEM?

Memories Fade

The truth of the matter often stings deeply because it is not something we want to hear nor is it something we have control over. The truth is that there will be memories, experiences, and specifics that do fade over time. It will not be because we do not love them or because they did not mean enough. It’s not because we did or didn’t do something to let it happen or that we didn’t try hard enough to remember. It will happen because we will be moving forward and making new memories and they will not be present for those new experiences. That is a hard reality to wrap your head and your heart around. Depending on where you are in your grief journey maybe you are not yet ready to grasp it and that’s ok.

Some individuals do find themselves avoiding new experiences and isolating themselves from others because they feel that would somehow extinguish or diminish the memories made with their loved ones. What is comforting is that there are actions we can take to help solidify those memories and experiences within us. Memories and experiences with others become part of the fabric of who we are. They are woven within us and cannot be forgotten. We can strengthen those memories by bringing them into the present through journaling or by sharing them with others. Journaling memories can help solidify them within our minds. Often people use photos within these journals to help bring color into these memories. Sharing memories about our loved ones is also a way to keep our memories alive and in the present.

We Can Help Ourselves Remember

What is comforting is that there are actions we can take to help solidify those memories and experiences within us. Memories and experiences with others become part of the fabric of who we are. They are woven within us and cannot be forgotten. We can strengthen those memories by bringing them into the present through journaling or by sharing them with others. Journaling memories can help solidify them within our minds. Often people use photos within these journals to help bring color into these memories. Sharing memories about our loved ones is also a way to keep our memories alive and in the present.

Grandmother's tombstone with circus peanuts lined up on top

One of my most fond memories of my grandma was that she would always have bowls of candy sitting out. Specifically, she loved Circus Peanuts, you know, those peanut-shaped orange squishy globs of sugar. I have often shared with my own kids how much she loved them and why I love them. We have even taken them to her grave and left a couple for her. As I share these memories with my children the memories have a stronger root that I am passing down generations. Ensuring that they will not forget grandma’s love of circus peanuts.